Back to Basics

The truth is that since the beginning of the year I have had too much on my plate. The folks deciding to move in with us was the biggie, but, that was soon followed by preparing for an estate sale, getting the house ready to sell, figuring out how to sell said house with an inground gas tank and now waiting for the closing (come on May 31st).  All while doing the regular things you need to keep a business going, keep a hubby happy and your own house running.  Whew.

So, in the middle of April after the sale, we still had a few things, big things to get out of their house.  The big desk, some end tables, a bedroom set, etc.  So, I listed them on Facebook Marketplace.  I got great response from it--over two days we basically got rid of everything we  needed to unload.  But, my sanity took a direct hit.

Thanks to a 20 year old nut case.  Who basically was supposed to show up at their house at 10 a.m. on Monday...and didn't actually get there until 1:40 p.m..  With a vehicle too small to carry off her new dresser, bureau and mirror.  And told me she would be back in an hour to get the rest.  And then didn't show up until after 5:30.

Oh, and the chunky Mom who just had to pick up her five year old from school and then would be over to pick up the two cardtables.  Except they were already sold.  And she said she knocked at the front door for 20 minutes.  I was in the garage with the garage door open surrounded by stuff...and she was at the front door?!  I said I was sorry the tables were gone.  But, that wasn't enough for this gal.  She had to berate me for six text messages on how much I sucked for selling those tables.  I apologized and apologized but she wasn't having it until I said that I sucked, where should I send my pound of flesh, I was a loser and she had beaten me.  She replied, not with oh I am sorry I think I went too far...but with a huge thumbs up.  Really!

During the last hour of this my dear brother and niece showed up to help lift that very heavy desk into my Dad's pickup truck as the girl that was going to come get it would probably be alone and there was no way the two of us would be able to get it into her truck.  But something went very wrong.  First he was giving all kinds of messages that weren't computing...and he was a dick about it.  I snapped, he snapped and that was the end of that.  The desk was pushed to one side of the driveway.  On the other side was that stupid girl's dresser.  I sent the desk girl a message that I could not meet her but I was leaving her desk on the driveway and I didn't care if she paid for it.  But, of course she did pay for it.  Her and her Dad managed to get it into her truck and home to her two kids.  And she wrote back how thrilled they all were with the lovely desk they got that day.

I wasted all of my energy on two worthless individuals--when the last gal was the one I wish I had been present to help.  Oh, and of course I wish I had been civil to my brother instead of a crazy person. But worst of all--I finally met the limit's of my patience and my ability to multi-task.  I was confronted with not being able to control it ALL, do it ALL and move on to the next thing.  Something inside of me snapped.  Literally.  I could hear it kind of ripping away.  I really knew I had a problem when my brother send me a text that night that said he and my sister were worried about me. 

I was worried about me, too.  SO worried I said I was depressed at my med check doctor's appointment a week later.  Ever told your doctor you are depressed?  They have to break out a special list of questions, then ask if you really want to answer them.  So there you go, I am probably on some crazy person list at Blue Cross/Blue Shield.  But, I was really worried.  Worried enough to take it any further--since that onus is now on me? They sent me home with instructions to find out what my health insurance covers, not a referral.  So I guess I am not really, really depressed. 

But am I?  Maybe not.  Maybe I am just confronting the new, middle aged version of myself for the first time.  I am no longer a Goddess.  I am not a Gladiator.  So, I guess my reign as Queen of the World is over.  It is the end of an era, but, it won't be the end of me!  LOL   I have backed off many of my groups.  Goodbye Facebook and all you other meetings that take up my time and don't give me the help I need right now.  Hello:  Council on Aging!!  And any caregiver support groups I can find!
Leave your favorites in the comments, or better yet, come and drag me to the next meeting.   I will be the one in my pajamas with no makeup and a couple boxes of un-shipped soap orders.